What is Hallowe'en All About?

Children, Candy, Being Sexy, or Dressing Up Your Dogs?

Why Do People Steal?

The French anarchist Proudhon once said: "La propriété, c'est le vol!" For those of you who can't read other languages the rough translation of that is: "Property is theft" His anarchic statement makes me feel better about my recent actions... In the past 48 hours I have stolen the following things: 3 Nature's Valley granola bars, 2 Five Alive juice boxes, 2 empty apple baskets and ONE PAIR OF ARTOIS NON-Prescription glasses belonging to my roommate Alisha who claims that I am the artois one of the two of us. As if. I have come to believe that she is projecting her artoisness onto me. But lets move back to my main point. I was feeling really guilty about stealing all that stuff... Although I should explain the circumstances around each theft. Here they are in chronological order:

Theft #1 = Juice and granola bars: So I was doing this thing where I go to high schools and talk to high school kids about things, and at the school I went to yesterday morning they had bottled water, juice boxes, granola bars and packaged rice krispy squares for us to manger, while we were there. Immediately I grabbed a water bottle and chugged it back without even stopping for a breath. After that I felt like I was going to throw up my bagel and cream cheese from breakfast. This is when I had my moral dilemma. Free food is free food and I didn't have anything packed for my lunch. I needed to eat! If someone has to steal to feed themselves it is okay, right? First, I took one juice box and one granola bar because I figured that was my share of the goods. Then I got greedy. I suppose this is what brought down people like Conrad Black... If only we could settle with just taking a little, we would never get caught... But human desires only cease'th in death. Anyways, I decided to take two more granola bars and one more juice box. I told myself I needed to take more in order to share the bounty with Alisha... I guess it just goes to show how we always make excuses for our own immoral behaviour, yet we are so quick to judge the actions of others.

Theft # 2 = Apple Baskets: Okay, so I didn't really steal the baskets either... They were sitting beneath a sign which said, "Free Baskets," so I took them. My friend Alissa's grampa used to say, "If something's free take it. If you don't want it, give it to a friend." Moral of that story = always take free stuff, even if someone else is in greater need of it than you. And I took TWO baskets. Sure, maybe I need one basket... But two? That is theft. It is beyond my allotment of free baskets because I am just one person. How many free apple baskets does one person need?

Theft # 3 = Alisha's glasses: This theft also involved lying. I have 20/20 vision but I took Alisha's glasses to the library and pulled them out to "read" (pretty sure those quotations are properly used). This is deception. I don't think anyone who knows me saw me, but still... All though strangers probably think I am almost blind or something. It is a lie of omission. Glasses also make me look smarter too. Not only did I look like I had eye problems, I also looked like I had a genius level IQ. I don't even know what IQ is considered genius. I don't even know what IQ stands for. I also accidently dropped the glasses in the toilet. Sorry, Lish.

Still, maybe I didn't do anything wrong. If property is theft then you can't own anything without being a thief. So I didn't steal anything I just used some things that didn't belong to me. But they didn't rightfully belong to anyone else either. I don't even own this computer, or my arm.

Note: I am so not artois. I only wore four articles of clothing from American Apparel in the past three days. Also, I lied about the toilet thing.

Why is there War?

Jimmy Carter once said: "War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each others children." Yeah, that was when he accepted his Nobel Peace Prize. But I wonder if blog wars are evil. Because this is one. This is one big blog war. Right here, right now, with my room mate, Alisha. This is the blog war equivalent of the assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand. I don't want to be evil... But this is necessary, I mean I just NEED to clarify that I am not artois. "Alisha" (are these quotes inappropriate?) said I was on her blog. Just because I like to keep the bike in the bedroom. And I can't say I'm not artois without being accused of being artois because no one who is actually artois would admit to being artois and I can't say I am artois because that would be lying! I am trapped! It is quite the conundrum. One thing I am not, I mean other than artois, is good. Because I am making war right now. I wonder if this qualifies as civil war because we share the same living space... But Alisha doesn't have any children and neither do I so maybe we can learn to live together in peace. I am going to go put on my non-perscription glasses and listen to some electro-18th century classical-French-rap-funk-reggae band that you haven't heard of while I ponder the concept of WAR some more.